Imposter Syndrome

I read a post on Twitter this morning where an author was describing how much of her was consumed various thoughts and actions. She mentioned something called, "Imposter Syndrome".

That's one of those things which keeps authors from finishing their books, or if they finish it, it keeps them from seeking out agents or publishers. I think the idea runs along the idea that, "I'm not really an author. I'm just faking it. I'm an imposter. So I don't deserve to finish the novel, or get published, because then, everyone would see what an imposter I really am."

I feel that myself. On the one hand, I believe that anyone has the right to write the requisite number of words as long as they meet the criteria of following a story arc which logically proceeds from beginning to end. They can then call themselves an author, writer, novelist, etc. A real one, too. 

I tell myself that all the time.

And still, I look for validation all the time. Sales and reviews of my books help me validate it. Though, if you know me personally, books sales have not been phenomenal. I somehow think that if sales had rocketed through the ceiling, I would feel much more validated. 

I work full time as an orthotist. I'm a good one. I'm creative and talented and many of my patients even like me.  But then, I feel like, if I'm an orthotist full time, then I'm only trying to be an author, writer, novelist part time, faking along the best I can until... 

I was running the projects through my mind that I currently have going, mentally trying to get a grip on what I should work on next. Here was the list I came up with:

The Pariah Podcast:
    The Intro and Episode 1 are recorded and in the can.
    Episodes 3 - 7 have been edited once.
    Episode 2 has been read out loud, re edited, and ready to record.
    I want the first 4 Eps in the can by the launch date of February 6th.
    I've decided to broaden the plot of The Pariah and will probably bring another 25K words into it. So I need to outline that and write those five episodes.

I need to make bookmarks of my books and podcast to hand out at a Comic Convention I'm going to and get them printed.

I committed to a website trying to serialize digital writing for a monthly subscription. I said I will serialize a Galactic Battle Base Novel and will need to have my first episode ready by March 31. Again, I would rather have the first four episodes ready, about 2500 words each to be release every two weeks.

The Galactic Battle Base is with the editor. I would like to release that in May. I need to do another edit, at least, and get cover art for the book.

I want to release "Shooting Stars 2" in the summer. So I need to do at least two full edits of that before sending it to the editor.

In the fall I want to release "The Price of Friendship 3" on Podiobooks.com. So that needs to be written, edited twice and recorded.

So, the realization which I had was that, while I may not believe the rest of the world should take me seriously as a writer, if I am to get all of this done on time, I need to take myself seriously as a writer.

Discouragement

Another block for a writer's motivation is discouragement. 

And there are a lot of ways a writer can become discouraged. If you are a novelist in a boat similar to mine, you have a few books out, which don't seem to be going anywhere.

Things which discourage me:

Rejection by a publisher. I know. You have to expect this. You receive far more rejections than you do acceptances. So, if rejection is debilitating, success as a writer will be impossible. However, a little rejection, or a lot of it, can stall you and give you the opportunity to evaluate where you are and what you need to do to move forward. It can also be renewing.

Another thing that discourages me, and this may sound absurd, but when my editor cuts things I like. Or if she is less impressed with my work than I am. I realize that cutting up my manuscript is what I pay her for and that if I don't agree with her, I can keep what I want. But, her purpose is to my my manuscript better, and while it sometimes hurts, taking her advice is, well, good advice.

This last week has been discouraging with my book cover for, "Shooting Stars". It had nothing to do with the manuscript I have been editing, but every time I got the notice from Create Space that my book cover didn't fit their template and that parts would be cut off, I got more discouraged and ended up ruminating on what was going wrong, more than what I could be doing right.

However, after the fifth submission of my book cover, I got the notice that it was accepted. Hooray! Now, I can move ahead with a book launch later this month. Suddenly everything is bright and encouraging.

Writer's Block or Just Tired?

I don't know if I need motivation or if I need to take a day off.

Yesterday I really didn't want to write. It was Saturday, I'd slept in late to catch up on lost sleep, and felt nagged by my son. He does that when I'm trying to sleep in. He never sleeps in... (grrrr)

They, whoever they are... well, I guess they are all those people who are making a living at writing, or making a living at telling people how to be writers... Sorry. They say that to be a writer you need to write everyday, even if it's just something you'll throw away. But, does that mean we never take breaks?

I'm trying to try out everything 'they' say, so, I guess I should write something everyday.

My son finally nagged me into taking him to Toys R Us. On the way, which is all the way across town, I thought about "The Pariah" podcast. Episode two was really lagging without any real conflict. I figured out how to improve it.

I also wrote my 100 word story for the 100 Word Weekly Challenge at www.oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. The prompt was "Value". I recorded it and posted it.

In the end, there were two things I wrote.

So, is the way to sell my books "to write everyday"? We'll see.

Biosgraphy.com

I got this tweet on Twitter the other day:

@PhilipCarroll Check out Biosgraphy.."Instagram for Writers" and be part of the evolution of social media: http://Biosgraphy.com 

I've never been on Instagram. With all the social media choices these days, I usually divide my time between Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. But, what I think Instagram is, is, you take a picture, add a little text and send it from your phone to Instagram. This does something, like, autoposting to Facebook, because I often see pictures of my grandkids on Facebook and it says it was posted to Instagram.

So, I'm going to think laterally at this. Or semi-laterally. If Instagram lets you post pictures to social media "as you take them", then Biosgraphy.com lets you post your writing as you write it. Maybe?

At Biosgraphy the encourage you to get "Your Story" out there. And after two days of spending very little time there, it looks like you tell your story in several different areas which affect out lives. That's wrong. I just went back and looked at the site. When you start a new blog, you start it in one of seven areas, "My Story", "Creations", "Ideas", "Yum", "Travel", "Fab", and "Shout Out".

I've only blogged in one area, so far. I figured I would start with "My Story" and titled my blog, "Who Cares?" It's about me. I mean, there is no one I like to talk about me than myself, but I can't imagine it will be very entertaining or inspiring. But. It will have a very different tone than what I write here, on my, "I'm figuring out how to sell my books" blog. I guess I could put this blog in the "Creations" or "Ideas" blog. But, I would figure that "Creations" would have blogs about wood carving, or actual stories I've written. Idea's then. Maybe I'll see if I cross blog some of my thoughts from this blog there and see if it leads to sales of my books.

Okay. I've decided.

I'm going to blog the "expletive" out of my Biosgraphy site and see if it leads to any book sales. I'll let you know in a couple of weeks. Take a look at it yourself and see what you think. Let me know you're there, and I can follow you. We'll make it look like we're real people. Otherwise, I need to get back to working on my Podcast to give my Patreon followers something to support.

pec

Is this the way to be found?

Is this the way to be found?

I'm a big Peter Hollens fan. If you don't know who he is, he is a Youtube Acapella singer. He makes all of the sounds and music himself, and mixes them together. Kind of like what Bobby McFerrin does. (If you're old enough to remember him--"Don't Worry, Be Happy")

I've followed Peter Hollens for a few years after my daughter showed me one of his videos. He's incredibly talented and sings with all kinds of other Youtube stars, and occasionally his wife. 

I was watching one of his videos and he mentioned his Patreon account and requested people check it out. On that site, people can make standing donations per new video he puts out. There are rewards for donating larger amounts, like getting karaoki tracks of his songs, etc. I was convinced enough that I donate a few dollars per video, not to excede $10 per month.

He gets about $5000 per video he puts out now and this had made it possible to spend all of his time making videos, instead of as a hobby or on a limited basis. I feel 'special' that I'm one of the people who makes it possible to improve the quality of his videos.

As I surfed around his site I began to wonder if it would be possible for a writer to benefit from Patreon.

So, I'm giving it a shot. I set up my page, campaign, or whatever it is, for the podcast story I am working on right now. This is my site: http://www.patreon.com/Norvaljoe

I won't tell you everything about it--I want you to go look at it. I'll tell you this much, the podcast will still be free through iTunes or direct from my site, but there will be extras for those who donate. Things like "Story Only" versions of the podcast, Chapter Books, and the whole novel when it has been fully edited and a new cover designed.

As you know, I'm trying to make my way in this field. If this works, you'll hear about it right here.

pec

He has not the patience.

Luke Skywalker first met Yoda on the planet Degobah. After a short while with him, Yoda says something like, "I cannot teach this one. He has not the patience."

I think this is something I have learned about myself this last year as well. I have not the patience. That's why having a professional edit my novels makes a lot of sense. I would have published "Flypaper Boy" and "Shooting Stars" before they were ready.

I just got Shooting Stars back from my editor yesterday, and it looks done. I've read her remarks about the changes I made based on her previous suggestions, and we're in agreement, it could work now. She killed a lot of my darlings for me. Things I thought were pretty clever or touching were actually slowing down the pace of the story. 

Knowing the text is ready, I want to publish it today. "Have patience, young padawan... "

I had tentatively set the release date for this novel as January 31, 2015 when I sent it back to Jen for another review. But, now that I have it back in my hot little hands, I want to rush and get it on the market. I tried to rush Flypaper Boy and felt really stressed trying to get it published a week after I finished the edits and got my book cover done. The things I still need to do before I can publish this one, is:

Finish the blurb on the back side of the book cover.
Format the front pages and back pages of the book.
Upload the cover and finalize the text with Create Space.
Get the proof copy made by Create Space and check for formatting errors, make changes.
Set up a Kindle Countdown of "Flypaper Boy" to co-inside with the release of "Shooting Stars"

I think that's all. 

I have a special deal for all of you non-existent followers of my blog. The Kindle version will only be 99 cents for the first two days of the release, so get it while it's cheap.

pec

Finding time to write when you're busy.

I know you think you're busy. I often think that I am, too.

On the most recent episode of Writing Excuses Podcast one of the things Brandon Sanderson said he learned was to be able to write in different environments. I think the thing I am most envious of full time writers is they get to write full time. (No kidding, huh?)

How would it be to get four hours at a time to write? That would allow you to complete a major scene from a novel. And if you could come back to it two or three days in a row, rested, focused and properly fed? You could write the next Great American Novel with that kind of time and freedom. Of course, when you are expected to produce like Brandon Sanderson, you would need all that time and more.

Two things I learned this year, (Well, one I built on this year, and one that I learned) were using a detailed outline and writing in the evening.

In 2013, when I wrote, The Pariah for Nanowrimo, I used a detailed outline. Knowing exactly what I needed to write when I sat down made it possible to produce a lot in a little time. Granted, I took Thursday and Friday off from the day job to get a head start and completed nearly 20K words that first weekend. Normally, I only get about 2 hours a day to write, and that's 45 minutes in the morning before work, about the same at lunch time, and then maybe an half hour of conscious and cognizant thought in the evening. 

If you haven't heard me whine about it before, I have a 10 and a 12 year old, both with their special needs, and a wife who is now mostly disabled. My days are often frantic and busy. But, using the time I had, I was able to get 100k words written in 28 days. If I had my days wholly devoted to writing I could compete with Brandon in quantity, if not quality.

This year, my oldest daughter, her husband and three children were coming to visit on the 18th of November. I knew if I was going to get my 50K words done, I would have to hit it hard at the beginning. Again, using a detailed outline, I was able to use my time most effectively and hit 50K on day #18. I finished the story at around 65K a week later.

The other thing I learned to do, and that was only recently, was to write in the evening. It's not my most creative work when I'm that tired, but it works to get the plot and dialog mostly laid out and I can spruce it up in the next few edits. The two things that distract me most in the evenings are tiredness and family. 

My wife expects me to spend some time with her, usually watching cooking shows or something else on TV. What I found was, if she drifted off, I would continue to watch what was on the tube. If I tried to turn the show off, it would wake her, and she would turn it back on, believing she would stay awake this time.

I found a 'White Noise' app for my phone. So instead of turning the TV off, I put on the head phones and listen to "Just Rain". I think that's the name of the app. It's a rainstorm and it goes on for ever. You can set the intensity of the storm, with or without thunder, or you can have it vary in intensity. I find it adequately blocks out the distracting sound of the television while letting me focus on my writing.

pec

A recap of LDStory Makers Conference 2014

A recap of LDStory Makers Conference 2014

Well. This year wasn't the simply wonderful experience that last year was. It was wonderful, but not simple.

Getting to Layton was a little more complicated by train, than was Provo. Lots of waiting for this and that train. Next year it's back in Provo, so I might go again.

High Points: I met and talked to a lot of people. I am more motivated than ever to get myself self-published. I attended some pretty good classes and met a couple of freelance editors.

Not So High Points: I thought Orson Scott Card was a major let down as a Key Note Speaker. I felt he spent the evening swiping at chips on his shoulders and that he was needlessly harsh about LDS writers and their 'Inspiration', as well as the LDS Church's treatment of their teenage intellectuals. (If you can't shoot hoops or go camping you don't fit in.) No positive solutions, only gripes. I have ordered some of his books on writing before I decide if he's a total jerk.

Low Points: Didn't get the conference room rate. I don't know why. But the hotel was very indifferent about it. I screwed up my train ticket and had to buy a second return trip. I caught something on the train and was sick for the last week.

I have only, just now, gotten back my drive to write.

As soon as I got home, I took my wife to the hospital. I thought she was ok, but the next morning, she went to the ER by ambulance, having seizures. She spent the week at the hospital while I was working my way through whatever illness I had/have, getting little sleep, trying to work, and raise two children with special needs.

So. This morning, I'm back to writing. A quick update to the blog and I'll spend my lunch finishing my out line for Galactic Battlebase: The Knife Cuts Two Ways. I had some great ideas added to the outline while I traveled too and fro on the train, now I need to make them all match and pick up the story where I left off.